Patchy updatesThings have changed since I’ve last checked in. Lets see:
What a year Abemaciclib and Fulvestrant had gifted me! I was very lucky to get access to this beautiful combo but strangely, I found my anxious behaviour peaking when my tumour markers were down! That’s the thing, see, when you feel well enough to dance for a few hours away from home, you start to feel more normal and crave all the other things that come with normality. Almost like you are ‘renting’ ‘normal time’ before your reservation runs out and you find yourself crashed up in bed for a few days recovering from the relatively unremarkable amount you put your body through. I started to feel sicker and gradually I felt not as well towards mid-end summer, this was my cancer telling me it was behaving differently, but even though we watched the tumour markers rise every month, we decided to cling on, deal with the disease affects and let it rise. If you have not got MBC this may sound a bit mad, but squeezing time out of any quality of life you have is the main goal when your time is ticking down. Fast forward to today -
I woke up to a slither of pale light above my head on the havana headboard, I figured the cats had been messing with the bedroom curtains again. I worked through the stiff pains of the morning and gently stretched out, feeling comforted when my leg brushed by Malbec’s curled up body. I smoothed her for a bit got on preparing some watermelon. I kept thinking “This time tomorrow I’ll be hooked up” and would feel instantly nauseous. Right. that’s not helping. I got on with today in relatively high spirits and overcame some personal challenges. I dragged myself to a scary palliative care team meeting. Ah, I was so very anxious and felt like I wanted to cry, it made me realise how nervous I am around health professionals now after everything. You walk in and it’s the same magnolia walls as the breast center, you know the type – with little water colour prints of water and the like. Although my experience here was far from the norm. The team I met with at Y Rhosyn were absolutely incredible, every concern was addressed and carefully explained to me, I feel so much safer just knowing they are there. Now that’s sorted, that can be my last piece of the puzzle before diving into tomorrow. I watched the sunset tonight with my mum overlooking the sea. It’s not over till it's over. |
A ' no holds' page about my life with incurable advanced Breast Cancer, in the hope it will give a realistic, detailed account to other young women going through the unfortunate illness.
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September 2023
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