'The Story' 2: A nightmare Deja vu
I vividly recollect a thin warm trickle slowly dripping over my right eyebrow. The soft pillow pushed tightly down just on top of my clammy forehead, as I tried to release the throbbing pressure from my front left temple. It was about 6.30am and I was acutely aware I had to get up for work in 15 minutes, despite having spent the last 7 hours buckled into a foetal heap, nursing my relentless nausea. I pulled the pillow further over my eyes when Nick turned the hallway light on... I could hear the start of the comforting familiar stir to the house. The quiet bedlam began with Alaska's tail hitting his bed, and as he started to squeak, he informed me the cats were pattering down the stairs towards the kitchen in anticipation of little filled bellies.
Like many of my secondary sisters, I always strive to see the good in people and understand why people make the choices they make. Currently, I am massively disappointed in how the majority of people in the UK is handling the severity of the spreading of Covid-19.... These obscenely selfish choices have seen confirmed cases jump up 1035 to 5018 (20.6%) yesterday in Britain. 'Great' ChoicesIf you continue to carry on as normal... Please just think about your actions for one moment. You have the blood of the vulnerable on your hands...
The worldly context
I am currently writing this at 4.20am on the 19/3/20. Nick and I are on ‘lock down’ and tucked away from what I can only describe as the most bizarre situation civilisation has encountered in our short lifetimes.
Beyond our safe little black gate and ivy huddled half wall, a complete dystopian nightmare is consuming the external world... perhaps contentiously triggered by the haunting chime of the midnight bells receiving the potential gruesome energy of 2020. Luckily, I... like many others, got to spend this evening with friends who matter very dearly to me. True to form, our new year was about 20 seconds behind the rest of the world, and as we stumbled out onto the front garden in an excitable frenzy; fuelled up from delicious drinks, brimming from an obscenely gluttonous cheeseboard and Florence’s ‘You’ve got the love’ injecting the air with hopeful vibes... Which nowadays... I eerily recollect as a foreboding omen for my impending state - where my meaningful relationships are what keep me forcefully resilient after each incessant, ruthless blow to my spirit. 'The Story': Distracted delayed doctors deliberating a deadly diagnosisIt was the 4th of December 2019, when I rather stupidly misplaced my footing and flew the complete length of the stairs. This was when I first recognised my sore lower back pain for something more than the general aches and pains of my outdoor job and lifestyle. My lower spine decided to awake with absolute hostility, as I could hear myself mutter “you stupid cow” as I lied flat on face (yes... my face... I bounce) on the cold, hard wooden floor. Once again, hindsight is a wonderful thing! Over the course of December my own attempts to improve my back pain were unsuccessful and developing rather quickly. The pain would move to various places all over my spine, and frustratingly resulted in many missed social occasions and events over Christmas due to being sick and in pain.
Cat Rolling GIF from Cat GIFs
...And we are here to stayIt is with a heavy heart that I dust off the keyboard and resume my writing post from my last entry, just nearly 3 years ago. It is currently 3.42am, and I am sitting somewhere between an acute, mental, steroid induced rumination and a docile morphine mixed, pregabalin physical state.
The house is sedate and still, with nothing but the slight breeze disturbing the trees outside and the occasional grunt of the dog (Alaska) stretched out on his bed. I am currently looking across to the Daffodils coming into bloom on my coffee table, the edges of the yellow petals are romanticised by the orange hue of the salt lamp... It strikes me how quick spring has arrived this year – at the same time, I recognise a dull pang in my gut as I quietly acknowledge my feelings. I feel I have lost so much time already... |
A ' no holds' page about my life with incurable advanced Breast Cancer, in the hope it will give a realistic, detailed account to other young women going through the unfortunate illness.
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