... But fuck the lifeSo tomorrow is the start of Breast Cancer (BC) awareness month!
If you are a total Rockstar and are considering helping out charities in anyway - can I just please, please, PLEASE ask you to be mindful where your hard earned $$$ is going? Look beyond the patronising 'SAVE THE TATA's' campaigns (like... c'mon) and swipe those bloody pink ribbons to the side and look into the shadows... I think it's fair to say we are all aware of how to check our bloody breasts by now, I mean... I'm no expert, but I think the REAL issues are actually getting referred and treated effectively? Still with me? Agree? The 'Walking Dead'I am sure a fair few of us feel this sorry looking world is looking a tad apocalyptic in 2020, and although I cannot speak for my secondary sisters, I have begun to try and own my new role as ‘the walking dead’. Stuck in a strange limbo, I am unable to make and carry out the plans a 28-year-old should be preoccupied with. Yet I am also not at the point of dying just yet, so need to keep existing. My ambitions and career prospects have been reluctantly abolished, while I am too sick to carry out my job or make any commitments to still being here in 5 years time. I could go on, but you get the idea.
I still feel ‘gutted’ that my time has been so short, but also the anvil still hasn’t smacked me on the head just yet. Oddly, I am still feeling largely accepting and at peace with my approaching end. Death is the most taboo topic to speak about, especially at my age... but what if I told you it has become the simplest factor to deal with? I recall writing an early entry on here in the spring, commenting on the soft hue of the light behind the already bloomed daffodils, and the chill which descended down my spine as I realised that I had lost time already. Well now the deciduous trees are already turning into a chorus of soft warm shades as time continues to slowly tick by. I am conscious I have eaten into just under a third of my ‘statistically averaged’ time for someone with my condition, and I feel a small ‘pang’ in my gut. Out of the three ‘big guns’ of secondaries, death is the most acquainted and the most natural. We all must face it, regardless. The other two factors however, are what keep me awake at night... |
A ' no holds' page about my life with incurable advanced Breast Cancer, in the hope it will give a realistic, detailed account to other young women going through the unfortunate illness.
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September 2023
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